Scribble Thoughts

 02/02/2025

Notebook scribbles from commentary on Old Testament under Dr. Tim Mackey; Reflection on Reading The Price and Power of Revival by Duncan Campbell. 

The Prophets to come: Psalm 1 + 2

meditates = hagah 

whisper, murmur, mutters,

speaks, moan

[Deut 34:10-12, Josh 1:7-8]

Josh 1 + Psalm 1 wants you to see yourself as the one in the narrative

PSALM 2 How blessed The poet asks you a question.

Anointed = mashiach 

Messiah, anointed

"But as for me, I have installed my King

upon Zion, my holy mountain"

"Show discernment"

"Do homage."; "Kiss the Son"

"How blessed are those who take refuge in Him!"

Something really significant!

Psalm 1 + 2 is the window in which I may gaze into the OT and see it is written to me, the reader, and not as a coping skill (Hero example/Theology-Answer book/Inspirational-Heart-Warming/Political Authority)

Power + Price of Revival  Duncan Campbell

"Oh, when shall my soul find her rest? 

My strugglings and wrestlings be o'er,

My heart by my Savior possessed, 

Be fearing and sinning no more?"

Oh, may God create within us a hunger 

"A consciousness of guilt is a vessel into which God wills to pour Hus pardon and Hus recovering grace" (Dr. Stuart Holden)

"But the soul that comes to Jesus through failure, shame, or pain, by His wondrous love and mercy 

may soar as high again."

"There is a cry 

everywhere today

for God to do something."

Baffling + frustrating;

it cannot be done

on human levels

"God is preparing

a vessel. It may

not yet be clean

enough for God"

"Be ye clean that bear the vessels of the Lord"

"There is a hunger, and that is why we are encouraged to believe that revival is near."

Oh God, send the heavens and come down.

"I believe that with all my heart - it is the deep convictions of my soul - that [angels] are ever gazing over the battlements of glory and waiting for a prepared people." But give me a people

on their faces, seeking to be rightly related to 

God,...we will soon know the impact of 

God- realization in our country."

God cannot give us His best gifts unless we

hunger for them. "The greatest thing about 

us all is not what we say, it is not what

we do; the greatest thing about us all is our

unconscious influence, and that unconscious 

influence impregnated by the life of Jesus."

"We are crying 'God send it [revival]; but heaven

cries: 'Is your eye fixed upon Me?'" "Get rightly

related to Me." | "men who feared the Lord, but

they served their own gods." May God lead us into truth

Is there a hunger, is there a cry? How in His 

presence and acknowledge it, and bring that vessel

of honesty, sincerity, and of true seeking after God,

and the promise will be fulfilled: I will pour

water upon him that is thirsty."

If yo want revival, get right with God

Hebrides "God, You

promised revival and

if You do not send it,

how can I trust

You again?" ||| A GREAT CONFIDENCE |||

I hunger and I thirst, 

Jesus, my Manna be

Do we expect what we pray for to happen?

I will pour water upon him that is thirsty 

and floods upon the dry ground. 

I am crucified with Jesus and the Cross

has set me free,

Now I live again in Jesus and

He lives and reigns in me.

REPLENISHING + THE EMPOWERING OF OBEDIENCE

"The greatest reality, the greatest face in life

is just the presence of the LORD Jesus."

And I love Him; that is greater than preaching; 

it is greater than seeing revival. The greatest

thing of all is just to have fellowship with Jesus. 

He gives His Spirit to those who obey. 

Are you going to bring your empty vessel?

If you do, He will fill it. 

ACTS 4:29 - Now, LORD, consider their threats 

and enable your servants to speak Your word

with great boldness. Stretch out Your hand 

to heal and perform signs and wonders

through the name of Your holy servant Jesus. 

After they prayed, the place where they were

meeting was shaken. And they were all 

filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the

word of God boldly. 

A question so vital in its issue, so devasting

in its implications: Is the Church we know 

today a light that marks the road that

leads men to the Cross? ||| [Regarding ACTS 4]

"I discover here that a power is placed at the

disposal of the Church that can outmaneuver

and baffle the very strategy of the devil,

and cause death and defeat to vanish

before the presence of the LORD."

Barrenness is made to feel His fertilizing power. 

How is it that revival tarries?

What did the early church have that we do not?

Early believers believed in UNCTION FROM ON HIGH,

AND NOT ENTERTAINMENT FROM MEN.

How did they get the people at Pentecost?

-The people were arrested and drawn together and brought into vital relationship with God, not

by sounds from men, but by sounds from heaven."

||| The early Church put POWER BEFORE INFLUENCE

What do we mean by influence?

"Introduce you to a young woman...she is not

educated... but I have known that young man 

to pray heaven into a community, to pray

power into a meeting. I have known that

young woman to be so caught in the power

of the Holy Spirit that men and women

around her were made to tremble not

influence, but power | Seek power even at 

the expense of influence; never compromise

to accommodate the devil."

Finney: "Away with your milk and water preaching

of the love of Christ that has no holiness

or moral discrimination in it; away with

preaching a Christ not crucified for sin."

We are afraid of disturbing people today.

Who are we to dictate to Almighty God as to

how He is going to work? If God chooses to move 

in that way, if God chooses to convict men and 

women of their sin that they will be about 

to lose their reason, I say, God move on until we can

see again what was witnessed in the Edwards

Revival, in the Finney Revival, in the Fifty-nine

Revival...and praise God, today...moving in

supernatural

reality."

Rev Robert Bars     South Africa "This is what our

age needs, not an easy-moving message, the 

sort of thing that makes the hearers feel

all nice inside, but a message profoundly

disturbing...The Holy Spirit will have

nothing to do with a message or with a 

minister who is afraid of disturbing.

It is fire we want. 

Then the miracle happens.

"Oh, handle the last piece, LORD"

if the fire is to fall, the last piece must be handled. 

only when we submit can we know His mighty power

There is a law in the science of dynamics 

that tells us that all power is measurable 

at the point of its application. Are we 

prepared to apply that principle in the spiritual

realm, to make this profound discover that

when we come to the end of ourselves, we

can reach the beginning of God?"

Obey the law of the Spirit and the 

Spirit of God will respond to you. 

Isle of Lewis: "You made a promise, and I 

want to remind You that we believe that You

are a covenant-keeping God, Your 

honor is at stake."

(In the place of travail) 

When Zion travailed

she brought forth children.

Dr. Inwood Keswick (1924) "Christian men + women, self -

renunciation is the cardinal ethic of the

Christian Church." "Is it not true, too

often our very best moments of yielding +

consecration are mingled with the destructive

element of self-preservation?"

Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?

Who may stand in His Holy place?

The one who has clean hands + a pure heart,

who does not trust in an idol

or swear by a false good.

They will receive blessing from the LORD

and vindication from God their Savior. "

THE GATEWAY OF A FULL AND UNCALCULATING

CONSECRATION |||| The essential nature

of sin is my claim to my right to myself

Consecration is my relinquishing of that claim. 

"God in His wonderful mercy has made provision

by which we can become the possessors of a 

life of purity, a life of power, a life through 

which there flows the blessing of revival,

a life that has all its springs in God."

Is it really possible to know the blessing

of a clean heart?

"Twas most impossible of all

That here sin's reign in me should cease.

Yet shall it be, I know it shall; 

Jesus look to Thy faithfulness!

If nothing is too hard for Thee!

All things are possible for me."

"Thro' all my soul its waters flow,

Thro' all my nature stealing; 

And deep within my heart I know

The consciousness of healing."

"Despair often is the womb from which real faith is born."

Two elderly women pleading one

promise: "I will pour water upon him that

is thirsty, and floods upon the dry grounds"

Heart purity; he shall receive the blessing

of the LORD ||| Are my hands clean, is my heart pure?

Have I a vision of my own desperate need?

4:12

 Today is one that I want to write about.

I woke up at 2:30a to the blare of K-ROCK from my neighbor's back shed. My window was open and so was theirs from when someone shattered their glass out of violence yesterday in the middle of the night. Night two of the police being called. I remember Smashing Pumpkins' "Tonight, Tonight" played before it was cut dry but the red and blue lights. I called because it was loud and I couldn't sleep, but also because I wondered if the music was covering something underneath, I feared round two of domestic or self-inflicting violence. This street has already seen bloodshed in the oppressiveness of night this year. 

I worked at the pharmacy 8:30a-1p. It was day one of the Tulip Festival. The regulars came in as if with the script "you wouldn't believe how far I had to park in my own town to pick up my own prescriptions."

"Sorry about that." the pharmacist would say. 

The tulips had their arms wide open in the garden bed out front. The red more robust than the cream-colored. Droves of people clothed in flowing dresses and long-folded shorts colored the sidewalks and streets. The food trucks parked directly across from us in the drug store. Aroma. A woman that is gentle came in for some dye-free Benadryl soft gels for her children, said she forgot it was Tulip Festival this weekend and that she and her husband was taking their children to a zoo in Overland Park. "Someone would likely get a heat rash or something," she commented. Her eyes widened, "there's so much life outside!" Oh I just loved that. 

She comes in sometimes for her family's medicine. I often ponder this thought, that she just gets it. 

You know what I mean?

This depth swirls within me, where so many don't want to wade...with some I feel like I am a shallow-hugger myself...but she feels comfortable to be around, and I think how I hope to be comfortable with difficult depths for others. 

I have been having nightmares recently. An oppressiveness that lowers like black fog. God please show me what I need to see. Jesus I bring what I see, bound before Your throne, that You will decide what to do with it. 

I worked at Vanderbilts 2p-6p. I worked with Kaycee, Quinn, Brad, Kadence, Garrett P., Lili, and Izzy. It is a great and incredible joy getting to work with those people. 

I came home to Nate sleeping slumped in the chair and I was again in the place when he would drink himself confused. I was mad. We talked later, he said he doesn't know how to make it so that I can trust him again. He said he talked to his dad. I hugged him and said I trust him. I needed to hear him say that. 

I video called my mom while I ate a chicken salad that Nate made. She said that they were looking into visiting us! Oh, my heart. The sincere and deep well of joy of getting to have them visit. Nate was as, if not more excited. He said how he wants to play and record music with Byrd. Lord, we give this opportunity to You, that You will go before us into the time and place for them to visit, that it will be sanctified, that You will be there. That revelation will come to us, that life will come from it in Your name. You are always with us, please keep us from getting fixed on anything other than you.

At 7:30p I saw Steel Magnolias with Emma at the Columbian. It was precious. Oh I cried. I thought, that hair salon became a sacred place for their vulnerability. I got a text from Kim during intermission asking if I could call to talk about some thoughts. 

After Emma and I parted I called Kim and we talked about what we are moved by and what we want to do. I have this idea for an event. Kim has this idea for creating a place where real emotions are welcome like therapy but with others. We talked about how shame steals life and brings death of every kind. She tells about how her body responded to trauma. 

We are praying for a date to be made known to us. May this date be the time for my family to come, that they may come to an event. Thank You Lord. 

Psalm 24

Looking Back: late January 2025 (Scribble Thoughts)

 Dry Bones

army fit to 

stand spiritually 

against Jer 6

Babylonia

spiritual army

Yes we see

the army on

the horizon

tomorrow

"noon, no tonight"

They are coming

for us with

orders from 

the Maker

It is so our eyes

can see what

God has begged 

us to see but

we refused because

the darkness is so

dark - the army 

coming over the hill

is the war already

being waged. The

acts of filth playfully

rolled in the night

is the spear plunged

long ago in my

own spirit. 

We die. The Dry 

Bones is the evidence 

of death already

outworked in 

my fabric

and I till the

field and reap and

sow. But

now I can see it

and I smell it. 

And you say

"Son of man,

can these bones 

live?"

Sovereign Lord,

you alone know. 

Your work of 

redemption.

Yes, for our bodies. 

But even more

for our souls. 

For You do 

not say we will

come back to life,

but alas, to 

come,

because the war

was waged long

before. I was

born dead. 

***

Babylonia army

physically represents

spiritual forces

of evil in the

heavenly realm

Dry Bones

represent army

coming together

to stand firm as

armor -

physically representing

the spiritual armory. 

Is it the 

coffee or are 

you saying 

something

incredibly 

profound?

Looking Back: late January 2025 (Scribble Thoughts)

"Dry Bones"

Does God slay the people who become dry bones?

Bones of Kings

officials? Judah 

Priests, Prophets

People of Jerusalem 

= removed from these 

graves

*EXPOSED to sun, moon, stars

"Which they have loved + served + followed 

+ consulted + worshipped"

"They will not be gathered up or buried

but will be like

dung lying on the 

ground"

Ezekiel 5?

"Whenever I banish them, all the survivors of this evil

nation will prefer

death to life in Job 3:22

When people fall down do they not

get up" Rm 14:13,

• STUMBLING
• OBSTACLE
• TRAP Pr24:16

What have I done?

"I will lay the dead bodies of the 

Israelites in front

of their idols, and I 

will scatter your 

bones around your

alters."

JER 8:1-2 The Valley

of Slaughter

"Topheth" or

"Valley of Ben 

Hinnom" Jer 19:6

"will bury until there 

is no more room"

Jer 8 (cont.) Ps12:1-3

"Pursues course"

"They dress the wound of my people 

as though it weren't

serious"

"'Peace, peace', they

say when there is 

no peace."

Jeremiah 8

that the LORD

will slaughter

the people through 

the Babylonians

without dignity

Jer 5-8 gives

clues to Ezekiel 

+ Dry Bones

Punishment and

Disobedience

Visual of People 

with large beast

in large cage with

collars + chain feeding

each day food is 

prayer beast is God

but actually god-

beast (God) informs

Thought on idols:

Why is it such 

a big deal?

I know it is...

but why?

JER 6 :

"A horrible and 

shocking thing

has happened

in the land:

The prophets 

prophesy lies,

the priests rule

by their own

authority, and my 

people love it this

way. But what 

will you do in the 

end?"

Looking Back: January 22, 2025 (Scribble Thoughts pt. 3)

CR overwhelming

burdening crushing

feeling belief     that

I do not belong. 

my voice does not

belong, my thoughts

do not, my ideas, 

gender, intelligence.

background - 

prayer by Darlene 

Zschech for the 

one, at CR

stumbling over 

role in family. 

continued to 

others, hateful

inner feeling that

I don't belong 

unworthy - 

gets to final 

woman new,

she looks at me

and says thank

you because she's 

in good company. 

Looking Back: January 22, 2025 (Scribble Thoughts pt. 2)

Present One -

LORD, friend,

counselor, Spirit,

Breath, Father,

King, Renovator,

Sustainer, Author, 

Artist, Potter, Song-writer,

Chef, Baker, Caretaker,

Pharmacist, Doctor, 

Evangelist, Manager,

Administrator, Sales-

person, custom

service Representative,

Senator, Cabinet

official, Custodian,

Teacher, Educator, 

Poet, may the LORD

who sits over the flood

as King Forever guide

my mind as I 

write and go about.  

Looking Back: January 22, 2025 (Scribble Thoughts) and happy birthday to my mom ❤️

Listening: Mighty God, Father, Friend by Ghost Ship

What are the Dry Bones in Ezekiel?

Bones dry

brittle dusty

empty hollow. 

blood made 

in bones manufactured

dusty made from

dust; remnant,

"remember"

bones of house,

structure, "to

stand"

Application?

Sit + linger at the

table, don't look

for escape because

this is it.  This 

is defeating the

enemy; presence

defeats the enemy.

ARMY; armor, belt,

breastplate, footwear,

shield, helmet, sword

Ezekiel stood 

because of

the Spirit when

he was afraid.  

Thoughts I Shared at CR 4/1/2025

The theme tonight was Sanity, and we began with stating these:

• Earnestly believe that God exists
• I matter to God
• He has the power to help me recover

These were my ponderings and thoughts throughout tonight's lesson:

What are we going to talk about?

What am I recovering from?

I write:

The belief that I don't matter. The belief that I am not good. The belief there is something wrong with me. The belief that I am bad. The belief that I need to prove my value and worth. My behaviors because of these beliefs have included self-loathing, seeking/grasping for approval [desperate, reliant]; avoiding/hiding/lying/manipulating others' idea of me so that I am not rejected. 

I have not found relief of any measure outside of realizing my reality and identity in Christ. I have experienced and comprehended things that do not make sense in my encounter with this natural world. How can I believe that I matter to God? Only God. How can I earnestly believe that God exists? Only God. How do I know and trust that God is the only one who has the power to help me recover? Only God - not whatsoever in my strength - all that was required was for my confession, contrition; to experience and comprehend that the reality is I do not have the power, the reality is I am not in control; the reality is I gain new life through faith. It is not required to have perfect faith. It is not realistic. Only God. Only God sows the unbelief into belief. He sows distrust into trust. He sows the self-loathing into life-abundant reflection. Only God created the springtime after winter, and the silent bursting forth of fragile and resilient courage and color after months and months of what seemed to be a lifeless winter. How can I believe that is true without knowing God does the same for me? 

He did and does. 

"In Praise of Mystery: A Poem of Europa" by Ada Limon

 "Arching under the night sky inky

with black expansiveness, we point

to the planets we know, we

pin quick wishes on stars. From earth,

we read the sky as if it is an unerring book 

of the universe, expert and evident. 

Still, there are mysteries below our sky:

the whale song, the songbird singing 

its call in the bough of a wind-shaken tree. 

We are creatures of constant awe, 

curious at beauty, at leaf and blossom,

at grief and pleasure, sun and shadow. 

And it is not darkness that unites us,

not the cold distance of space, but

the offering of water, each drop of rain,

each rivulet, each pulse, each vein -

O second moon, we, too are made of water,

of vast and beckoning seas. 

We, too, are made of wonders, of great 

and ordinary loves, of small invisible

worlds,

of a need to call out through the dark."

March 15

 

On Thursday I listened to Blurry Creature's episode with John Eldredge "Defeating Darkness" and was enormously moved by it. I sent it to my mom, and mentioned how she and my dad gifted me Stasi Eldredge's book Becoming You when I turned 18. I got it down from the cabinet upstairs and sent a photo to my mom. I began reading it yesterday evening while Nate watched Oblivion. It was a profound experience 

involving praying meditatively into past experiences for Jesus to heal them. I cried and prayed and eventually fell asleep. I've also been reading The Boys in the Boat right before I fall asleep, along with the Psalm and Proverb of the day and a poem or two from a book I picked up from the library. My favorite one is In Praise of Mystery: A Poem For Europa by Ada Limon. 

This morning I wanted a latte. 

I woke up and read the Psalm and Proverb of the day, then took a shower and walked to Paramour for a coffee. Within me, at the center of my chest, I argued with the notion not to get one. The voice is small and I am big and marched to the coffee. I stood inside and was not greeted for what may have been ten minutes. I scanned the prices of the drinks and the $6 in my hand and realized I would not be satisfied with anything from there. It was not my willpower that walked me out of there but I obeyed, and went for a stroll for 10 minutes before going to work. I told God that I wanted a coffee but that I would obey. These things sound crazy to someone not in conversation with God. It is not lost on me nor was it this morning, but there is a purpose for me recounting it now and evidence in my spirit that God communes with us.

I get to work and begin our Saturday morning task of vacuuming. One of the pharmacy technicians spoke harshly with me this week and I sloughed it off but now it feels like a burn on my skin. I dissected my emotions, and they were not loving. I offered it to God. The Enemy of our souls and being has been fiercely hating women since the beginning, and that has crept up in every creature. O myself included. I offered it to God. She makes me nervous to be around and sick to think of the ways I have behaved toward others that would make them feel that way in the past. Lord. 

All is well. 

As I am winding up the cord for the vacuum in the solitude of the back room, I pray to God that He would show me how He loves me. I know You love me, please show me Your love while I'm here today. I return the vacuum and clean the bathrooms. 

Eventually I make my way back to the front. My coworker is drinking an iced coffee and I comment how I went to get a coffee this morning but was disappointed and left. 

She asked if I would like her to make me a coffee with the pods she bought. "They're Tim Hortons." 

She is very proud of this because it feels exclusive to her. 

I quoted a bit from a sermon recounting the blind men begging Jesus to heal them [Jesus you don't know me and you don't owe me but would you do me this kindness?]

"If you are willing to do me this kindness, I would be so grateful - thank you"

Her soul responded to this task. 

She comes back several minutes later and says that the coffee and sugar are on the back table and I walk back. 

Yes, to the room I prayed that God would show His love to me this day. 

I took the cup and welcomed the aroma and trembled and sipped because the memories of going to Tim Hortons with my sweet mumma and my sweet sisters and brother and daddy well up in my heart and in my eyes and I begin to cry of overflowing love. 

O that the Lord would do me this kindness through my coworker. 

I recover and make myself presentable and return with the cup to the front.

"How is it?" 

I hold in my overwhelm and give her a tender thumbs up. 

"Did it make you cry?"

"Do I look like I was crying?"

"Kind of, yeah"

I am able to share tenderly this story with her that it reminds me of going to Tim Hortons with my mom. And it is so far away, and the coffee reminds me so much of it. 

She is moved and says that she is glad she could do that for me. 

We then chat about these types of things. 

Psalm 15

A psalm of David. 

LORD, who may dwell in your sacred tent?

Who may live on your holy mountain?

The one whose walk is blameless, who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from their heart; 

whose tongue utters no slander, who does no wrong to a neighbor, 

and casts no slur on others;

who despises a vile person 

but honors those who fear the LORD; 

who keeps an oath even when it hurts,

and does not change their mind;

who lends money to the poor without interest;

who does not accept a bribe against the innocent.

Whoever does these things will never be shaken. 

Notes & Thoughts

 Crestview service on ACTS

"Watch and see where God is working and join Him" Henry Blackaby

Acts 6:1-7 I am one of the seven I write

Where is God working in my life?

Holy Spirit Study

• Intercessor

Harvest House Production?

Hebrew 7:25 | Roman 8:20-25 | Roman 8:28-29

"To make us more like Jesus"

• Intervines, 
• addresses

HARD REALITIES: 

God uses sufferings to conform us to His image. 

Suffering > Endurance > Character > Hope

• We know the whole creation groans | REDEMPTION OF OUR BODIES 

"Bondage to decay" | 1 Corinthians 2:10-12

"Heaven's help to my hurt"

How do I know when the Holy Spirit is helping me in my weakness ?

Have you ever ran out of words to describe what you're going through?

What is an intercessor?

Wordless?

How do we understand how things work together according to His purpose?

What is it you're seeking?

"

How can I bless you?"

The Power of the Holy Spirit by Dr. Tony Evanss

"The Intercessor" (cont)

"He allows aches, pains, and bruises to produce a new perspective"

"The end result of all flesh is death"

"Knowing that the spiritual realm goes beyond the walls of our five sense" [conversation with Kim]

"The Holy Spirit helps the most when you're at your lowest,"

"It's always better to hope in God than to trust in yourself."

"He creates a vocabulary that fits the environment that needs to hear what you have to say"

Thoughts:

• I want to listen to more voices from foster care
• God has a specific will for my life

Isaiah 29:13 | 1 John 5:14-15

"The Holy Spirit's role is to help us conform to God's will - providence

Miracle: God transcending His laws (skips, cancels, etc)

Providence: God works within natural laws to stitch things together to weave into place in alignment to His will

"If God is stretching you, pressing you, and allowing all manner of difficulty to happen to you - and you love Him - then be assured He is seeking to conform you to Christ."

Thoughts:

• I want to memorize Stephan's sermon
• I want to memorize 1 Corinthians 1
• How do I change my emotions within decisions?
• Holy Spirit will you pray for us when we don't have the words to pray for ourselves?

"He will take your inarticulate expressions of anguish and turn them into a powerful prayer to God because He knows God as part of the Holy Trinity."

• How does this look like?
• Isn't instant relief what we're really hoping for when we pray?

Many Colors

        O Creator of my earthly dwelling, 

        just as a house, Lord, do I live within my body. 

How quickly I forget its capacities. 

Look upon me, Jesus, son of David, 

with great mercy.

Upon my body. 

Upon our bodies, 

As the body. 

    AND the lost bodies trapped and twisted and covered and 

    in the mouth half-swallowed holy Lord will You not 

    have mercy on those who know not what they do?

    For folly feels familiar to our wooly coats. 

 

    For there are those in Your Body - or cloaked convincingly as Your Body, as 

    it is not authentically You -

    who have tortured and twisted and deceived in the likeness of the dance of the slithery beast.

We have breathed in yet again the dirt

    and sinned against the very head. 

Against the very breath.

Against the very stitchings of us. 

How dare we be given the opportunity to fail so detrimentally?

    To destroy all that which You have entrusted us? Again, and again and again.

Have mercy, Jesus, son of David, 

that you will do us this kindness

and reknit

    all that we have yanked free from Your workings into what we swear to now be only an irreconcilable knot that must be cut away 

    that must be thrown out 

        that must be started completely anew,

and instead, O Creator, reveal to us how Your fingers are fit for the task of untangling 

and continuing such a piece to behold. 

A morning at The Brew

 A slow morning at The Brew. I studied Christ and the Passover and ordered a skim latte and an everything bagel. 

"Jehovah chose Israel." Why Jehovah? 

They knew they needed to be delivered, not only from Pharaoh but also from Egypt. 

How will the Bible Project's study over the theme of the Exodus overlap with this book study?

"God speaks in terms of human experiences"

God's holiness demands that He judges sin, and the price is costly. But He is also merciful and provides a way of escape, which is redemption. 

Isaiah 53:7 + 1 Peter 1:19-20

Isaiah speaks in the past-tense?

"Each year you and your family are to eat [the firstborn] in the presence of the Lord."

The passover lamb was marked for death. 

The passover lamb was to be perfect. Deut 15: 21 | Heb 4:15 | 1 Peter 1:19

They roasted the passover lamb with fire. Fire is symbolic of God's judgment. 

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? (Matthew 27:46) (2 Corinthians 5:21)

For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building form God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 

...each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. 

Not a bone of the passover lamb was broken. Exodus 12:3 "a lamb - a nebulous, unknown entity,"

Arthur Pink

(Gal 12:20) (Exodus 12:3-5) 

The Bitter Herb symbolizes death and mourning.

Zechariah 12:10, 13:9, 14:9

Matthew 24:30, Revelation 1:7, Zechariah 12:12

The bitter herb remind us that the firstborn children of Israel lived because the Passover lamb died.

What did people of Zechariah think he meant in Zechariah 12:10?

Weeping of Hadad Rimnon in Megiddo?

The Unleavened Bread is almost always a symbol of sin

• "God did not leave them to grapple with abstraction"

This would have been felt specifically by wives;

yeast clump bears same kind of link to sin nature as Adam

1 Corinthians 5:6-8 | Unleavened bread as sincerity + truth matzo sweet without sourness

Ezekiel 19:4-6 | Revelation 7:2-3, 9:4

They did not put away leaven in order to be redeemed. Rather, they put away leaven because they were redeemed.

THE BLOOD ON THE DOOR

"Basin," the depression of the basin at the threshold

"Arthur Pink sees this as a picture of the suffering Messiah Himself: "Blood above where the thorns pierced His brow, blood at the sides, from His nail pierced hands; blood below, from His nail pierced feet"

Rev 9:4 tortured for 5 months?

"Making the sign of a bloody cross"

John 10: 9 | Hebrew 11:10 "Architect and builder is God. 

Then I spoke with Alexa at The Brew. 

BOOMTOWN Half May 10th? 7:30AM

chometz bitter or sour

Personal Encounter

I'm twenty-nine now. 

The Lord remains good to me.

I will revisit many things, but this is on my mind:

I keep thinking about dry bones.

I filmed a wedding for a coworker and her husband on June 21, 2024. She passed away three weeks ago from a traumatic brain injury after her small car was hit by a large truck on a two-lane highway. Nate called me that morning while he was in traffic not knowing who it was, but that he could see the car sitting there for 20 minutes before the emergency services came. I was in Michigan. 

I had so much footage of her love story with her husband. People asked me "how was the wedding?" during the summer. "They are so in love." 

We went to the funeral two weeks ago and I caught a glimpse of him

of her family and his

The grieving in my heart 

The bell tolling and tolling and tolling

Four days ago Nate and I went to the store for ice cream to go with the pizza we just ordered. We were giggling and kicking each other. And I remembered that I needed to buy water and I kneel down to pick it up and I think randomly "I hope her husband does not still live in their house. Surely, he doesn't live in town still. Surely, he is living with his parents in their small town. Because it's so dark at night and cold and lonely surely he is not here." and I round down the ice cream aisle with Nate. As we're paying and playing I see him walk in, the same cadenced walk as at the church during the funeral while the bells were tolling and he was looking ahead with urgency and at the grocery store he is looking ahead with urgency and I look down and my heart is grieving

A thumb drive is in my car of all your footage from your wedding day.

I'm sitting there quietly while Nate packs the trunk and her husband walks out, he is glancing toward my dark car moving with urgency and gets in his car and leaves. I heave out in a whisper to no one in particular that it was her husband. Nate only knew what he looks like from watching the 10-minute video I prepared to give them in October. I had so much more footage and now it is on a thumb drive in my car that she never got to see. I am convinced it will make him sick now. 

His sister emailed me yesterday, the signed contract attached for me to film her wedding in May. I had sent it two weeks before her sister-in-law died. Her email says "I'm sorry this has taken so long to get back to you! I'll pay you soon!" the bells are still tolling in my heart: "rest assured there is no urgency."

I tell her that I have more footage that they never got and ask if she would like the thumb drive.

Yes please

I plugged it in last night to appease the thing inside me that confuses hospitality with presentation; I scrub through the full film, two hours of stitched footage that passed as quickly as it was lived. 

They're all in there:

He's nervous and slow moving

 

There was no urgency in the day, and I remember thinking precisely that

I was with the precious bride and her photographer in the small upper room to film her bridal portraits being taken right after she put on her dress. I am capturing clips in five second increments to splice together to be overlaid with music as I had only seen videographers do in the past. It had not mattered to me any conversations I heard throughout the day. I watch this now, and as she is taking her photos the photographer says, "do you think he will cry?" cut. Next clip from a new angle. The bride drops her voice playfully and mimics him: 

"-oh, my emotions I'm about to cry'" and then she looks at my camera and says to her husband who is now widowed "it's okay you can cry". She goes back to looking out the window and the photographer click click click clicks

you can hear me whimper in response and I whimper as I rewatch it now 

Nate took the two thumb drives to her sister-in-law today.

I keep thinking about dry bones. 

The bones in the Valley of Slaughter that Jeremiah talks about and Ezekiel is placed into. I imagine his feet on top of the bones. 

He prophesizes and they rattle, and he is scampering to find somewhere else to stand. 

Since her death, I keep reminding myself that the body is an encasement. An "encasement" Nate thinks it's too weird when I say things like that. 

It is not her it was her body

It is not Nate it is his body

It is not me it is my body

I don't know entirely how that stands theologically but I'm desperate to comprehend it like that

The dry bones were Israel 

slaughtered by God; the prophets and priests and men and women because the children were being sacrificed in the fire among other things and He never required that so they are all slaughtered at noon tomorrow, no tonight and their bones are drying on top of the ground like dung and He says 

Son of Man, "prophesy to these bones" and they come alive

and some bibles say come alive "again"

I was studying this the morning before she died

They come alive and the breath is prophesized to enter 

And I am confused, and my spirit has been crying out and groaning for a way to comprehend it all

He made garments of skin and clothed them

He made garments of skin and clothed them

To be clothed by the skin of Jesus, dry bones

The breath of Jesus, Spirit

The army stands firm and after everything they stand

The armor.

Was it not my King that descended to the belly of the horror monster

Was it not my Maker's body that was tortured in public

Was it not He who was draped on the staff and said to their ancient grandfathers: "look to Me and you will be healed" 

He went down to the belly of the big fish to slaughter and 

    then release 

then ascended to the right hand of the throne of God. 

And each night as I lay on my mattress I think this is like a coffin

And I imagine all that needs to die away

My people-pleasing, control issues, compulsive disorders, binge eating, abusive thoughts.

And I imagine that before the morning comes 

all are left are dry bones.

Son of Man, "

This was saved in my drafts from 2013

There's only a few people that don't know I'm afraid of stuffed animals.
But not this kind

they're soft and cute.
Rather, real stuffed animals; animals that are dead but look alive. There's no reason per se...just something that's always been. This past week I read a blog on GoTandem titled Fear.
The blogger begins the article with a list of his fears, to test the theory "love is opposite of fear." It included plausible things like deep water and his wife passing away, and follows with "I do think that what I fear says a lot about where my heart actually lies."