Personal Encounter

I'm twenty-nine now. 

The Lord remains good to me.

I will revisit many things, but this is on my mind:

I keep thinking about dry bones.

I filmed a wedding for a coworker and her husband on June 21, 2024. She passed away three weeks ago from a traumatic brain injury after her small car was hit by a large truck on a two-lane highway. Nate called me that morning while he was in traffic not knowing who it was, but that he could see the car sitting there for 20 minutes before the emergency services came. I was in Michigan. 

I had so much footage of her love story with her husband. People asked me "how was the wedding?" during the summer. "They are so in love." 

We went to the funeral two weeks ago and I caught a glimpse of him

of her family and his

The grieving in my heart 

The bell tolling and tolling and tolling

Four days ago Nate and I went to the store for ice cream to go with the pizza we just ordered. We were giggling and kicking each other. And I remembered that I needed to buy water and I kneel down to pick it up and I think randomly "I hope her husband does not still live in their house. Surely, he doesn't live in town still. Surely, he is living with his parents in their small town. Because it's so dark at night and cold and lonely surely he is not here." and I round down the ice cream aisle with Nate. As we're paying and playing I see him walk in, the same cadenced walk as at the church during the funeral while the bells were tolling and he was looking ahead with urgency and at the grocery store he is looking ahead with urgency and I look down and my heart is grieving

A thumb drive is in my car of all your footage from your wedding day.

I'm sitting there quietly while Nate packs the trunk and her husband walks out, he is glancing toward my dark car moving with urgency and gets in his car and leaves. I heave out in a whisper to no one in particular that it was her husband. Nate only knew what he looks like from watching the 10-minute video I prepared to give them in October. I had so much more footage and now it is on a thumb drive in my car that she never got to see. I am convinced it will make him sick now. 

His sister emailed me yesterday, the signed contract attached for me to film her wedding in May. I had sent it two weeks before her sister-in-law died. Her email says "I'm sorry this has taken so long to get back to you! I'll pay you soon!" the bells are still tolling in my heart: "rest assured there is no urgency."

I tell her that I have more footage that they never got and ask if she would like the thumb drive.

Yes please

I plugged it in last night to appease the thing inside me that confuses hospitality with presentation; I scrub through the full film, two hours of stitched footage that passed as quickly as it was lived. 

They're all in there:

He's nervous and slow moving

 

There was no urgency in the day, and I remember thinking precisely that

I was with the precious bride and her photographer in the small upper room to film her bridal portraits being taken right after she put on her dress. I am capturing clips in five second increments to splice together to be overlaid with music as I had only seen videographers do in the past. It had not mattered to me any conversations I heard throughout the day. I watch this now, and as she is taking her photos the photographer says, "do you think he will cry?" cut. Next clip from a new angle. The bride drops her voice playfully and mimics him: 

"-oh, my emotions I'm about to cry'" and then she looks at my camera and says to her husband who is now widowed "it's okay you can cry". She goes back to looking out the window and the photographer click click click clicks

you can hear me whimper in response and I whimper as I rewatch it now 

Nate took the two thumb drives to her sister-in-law today.

I keep thinking about dry bones. 

The bones in the Valley of Slaughter that Jeremiah talks about and Ezekiel is placed into. I imagine his feet on top of the bones. 

He prophesizes and they rattle, and he is scampering to find somewhere else to stand. 

Since her death, I keep reminding myself that the body is an encasement. An "encasement" Nate thinks it's too weird when I say things like that. 

It is not her it was her body

It is not Nate it is his body

It is not me it is my body

I don't know entirely how that stands theologically but I'm desperate to comprehend it like that

The dry bones were Israel 

slaughtered by God; the prophets and priests and men and women because the children were being sacrificed in the fire among other things and He never required that so they are all slaughtered at noon tomorrow, no tonight and their bones are drying on top of the ground like dung and He says 

Son of Man, "prophesy to these bones" and they come alive

and some bibles say come alive "again"

I was studying this the morning before she died

They come alive and the breath is prophesized to enter 

And I am confused, and my spirit has been crying out and groaning for a way to comprehend it all

He made garments of skin and clothed them

He made garments of skin and clothed them

To be clothed by the skin of Jesus, dry bones

The breath of Jesus, Spirit

The army stands firm and after everything they stand

The armor.

Was it not my King that descended to the belly of the horror monster

Was it not my Maker's body that was tortured in public

Was it not He who was draped on the staff and said to their ancient grandfathers: "look to Me and you will be healed" 

He went down to the belly of the big fish to slaughter and 

    then release 

then ascended to the right hand of the throne of God. 

And each night as I lay on my mattress I think this is like a coffin

And I imagine all that needs to die away

My people-pleasing, control issues, compulsive disorders, binge eating, abusive thoughts.

And I imagine that before the morning comes 

all are left are dry bones.

Son of Man, "