4:12

 Today is one that I want to write about.

I woke up at 2:30a to the blare of K-ROCK from my neighbor's back shed. My window was open and so was theirs from when someone shattered their glass out of violence yesterday in the middle of the night. Night two of the police being called. I remember Smashing Pumpkins' "Tonight, Tonight" played before it was cut dry but the red and blue lights. I called because it was loud and I couldn't sleep, but also because I wondered if the music was covering something underneath, I feared round two of domestic or self-inflicting violence. This street has already seen bloodshed in the oppressiveness of night this year. 

I worked at the pharmacy 8:30a-1p. It was day one of the Tulip Festival. The regulars came in as if with the script "you wouldn't believe how far I had to park in my own town to pick up my own prescriptions."

"Sorry about that." the pharmacist would say. 

The tulips had their arms wide open in the garden bed out front. The red more robust than the cream-colored. Droves of people clothed in flowing dresses and long-folded shorts colored the sidewalks and streets. The food trucks parked directly across from us in the drug store. Aroma. A woman that is gentle came in for some dye-free Benadryl soft gels for her children, said she forgot it was Tulip Festival this weekend and that she and her husband was taking their children to a zoo in Overland Park. "Someone would likely get a heat rash or something," she commented. Her eyes widened, "there's so much life outside!" Oh I just loved that. 

She comes in sometimes for her family's medicine. I often ponder this thought, that she just gets it. 

You know what I mean?

This depth swirls within me, where so many don't want to wade...with some I feel like I am a shallow-hugger myself...but she feels comfortable to be around, and I think how I hope to be comfortable with difficult depths for others. 

I have been having nightmares recently. An oppressiveness that lowers like black fog. God please show me what I need to see. Jesus I bring what I see, bound before Your throne, that You will decide what to do with it. 

I worked at Vanderbilts 2p-6p. I worked with Kaycee, Quinn, Brad, Kadence, Garrett P., Lili, and Izzy. It is a great and incredible joy getting to work with those people. 

I came home to Nate sleeping slumped in the chair and I was again in the place when he would drink himself confused. I was mad. We talked later, he said he doesn't know how to make it so that I can trust him again. He said he talked to his dad. I hugged him and said I trust him. I needed to hear him say that. 

I video called my mom while I ate a chicken salad that Nate made. She said that they were looking into visiting us! Oh, my heart. The sincere and deep well of joy of getting to have them visit. Nate was as, if not more excited. He said how he wants to play and record music with Byrd. Lord, we give this opportunity to You, that You will go before us into the time and place for them to visit, that it will be sanctified, that You will be there. That revelation will come to us, that life will come from it in Your name. You are always with us, please keep us from getting fixed on anything other than you.

At 7:30p I saw Steel Magnolias with Emma at the Columbian. It was precious. Oh I cried. I thought, that hair salon became a sacred place for their vulnerability. I got a text from Kim during intermission asking if I could call to talk about some thoughts. 

After Emma and I parted I called Kim and we talked about what we are moved by and what we want to do. I have this idea for an event. Kim has this idea for creating a place where real emotions are welcome like therapy but with others. We talked about how shame steals life and brings death of every kind. She tells about how her body responded to trauma. 

We are praying for a date to be made known to us. May this date be the time for my family to come, that they may come to an event. Thank You Lord. 

Psalm 24